i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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