he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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