I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
