Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
