i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
