OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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