There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
