somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You work out of a Hotel?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
