How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
