Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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