sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
