How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
