did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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