Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
