Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
