Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
