I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize