Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
