o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
