So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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