I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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