a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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