just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
