well I can't set my house on fire every night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
