May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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