Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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