Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
