so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
