I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
