I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
