i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
