Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
