Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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