she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
