problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
