In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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