i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
