She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
