when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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