Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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