my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
