life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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