why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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