I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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