put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
