Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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