Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Even my vagina gasped.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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