tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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