When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
