Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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