i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
